![]() I need you to survive, not because of what you can do or give me, but because you matter. Hollins wanted us to hear it, I think-isn’t about me at all: it’s about you. The second way of hearing the phrase-the way Dr. ![]() And if I’m honest with myself, I can look back and see how often I have attended to others (my wife, my friend Tom, my friends of color) in a way that looks like I’m about them, when really the person I’m worried about surviving is me. It’s a consumptive, devouring, and unhealthy way of relating. The sentiment sounds good, but it makes you-a queer person, a woman, a person of color, a trans person, a person of differing ability-do all the work. It speaks to my fragility, born out of a deeper story, that in order for me to be okay, you have to be okay. My white, straight, male reality gives me the privilege of hearing in this way, as if, without you I am nothing. The first, self-centered reading is focused on me: I need you to survive. Hollins encouraged us, when the going gets tough, I try to turn to wonder. It’s gotten under my skin, to be honest, and left me feeling uncomfortable. It has two sides, two ways of being held and understood: one is self-centered, one is other-centered. In the days since, as I’ve let the lyrics linger, I’ve begun to hear the phrase “I need you to survive” differently. I joined in uncertainly at first, singing under my breath, and then as I gained confidence I sang more bravely, the words working their way into me. It was a balm of love on the fear and harm we’d admitted to causing, faced in ourselves, or lamented having borne and continuing to bear. You are important to me, I need you to survive. ![]() I won’t harm you with words from my mouth. She spent a moment with each of us, singing over us, echoing the words of the choir: Hollins took us by the hands and looked in our eyes. ![]() It was the culmination of Multicultural Perspectives, an intensive four days spent confronting and wrestling with racism, white privilege and supremacy, and the difficult reality of the world we live in. The day before, standing in a circle and holding hands with over 100 of my peers, Dr. It could have been people I love.Įarlier that morning, brewing coffee, on the drive to Discovery Park, I’d been humming Kirk Franklin’s version of “I Need You to Survive.” It’s a gospel song backed by a choir that managed to make its way deep in my body. Suddenly I had a whole list of people-faces and names and voices and particular laughs-people I care about, any one of whom could have been at Pulse that night. Tom, who I’ve watched since then joyfully embrace his full humanity as a gay man, shedding fear and shame to live as he was made.Īnd, then, suddenly I was thinking of my other friends, in Seattle and around the country, and relatives and folks I work with who are queer. Tom, who, in strict confidence, came out to me three years ago. Tom, who I’ve created with, cried with, laughed with, changed with. Tom, who I’ve known for close to a decade, is one of those rare friends I can call for anything, anytime. But I kept listening as half-facts and fuzzy details emerged, and as the scene inside the Pulse nightclub began to take on flesh, my best friend Tom popped into my head. I tried to catalog it away, another terrible incident to fill the news cycle, to file away and try not to think about. Terrorism? Radicalized? Unfolding situation. Driving through a still-sleepy Ballard, I turned on NPR and was quickly aware that Something Had Happened. On a bright Sunday in early June I rose early and headed out to Discovery Park for a head-clearing walk in the woods. Graham wrote this reflection in June, after the mass shooting in Orlando, but we believe that his words have grown even more essential in recent weeks. Here, Graham Murtaugh, a second-year MA in Counseling Psychology student, writes about striving toward relationships marked by compassion and the mutual desire to see the other survive (and thrive), even amidst significant difference. At The Seattle School, we are fundamentally committed to educating, training, and equipping individuals who approach interactions with others with wisdom, creativity, courage, and compassion-especially when national news begins to feel like a parade of tragedy and injustice, when the need for healing relationships is more profound than ever.
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